Sunday, February 28, 2010

Why, Why, Why?

Why must people out do each other? Honestly, girls should learn from others mistakes. I thought by telling them what I did it would: 1. make them understand why I'm acting this way, 2. learn not to do such things in the future. I was dead wrong. It's like I have started a vicious trend, ending in a similar result. Although nothing could end as badly as it did for me, it's still hurting my friends. I just want to yell, "STOP! Quit rushing and enjoy yourself as you are." In a way, I could be viewed as a hypocrite, but I'm advising, am I not?

Things are blossoming with my new obsession, CH. Its like he knows what I'm thinking. When he kisses me it's unlike anything I've experienced before. So different from KC. So passionate. I long to be with him, but when we're around other people its different. I get so nervous, its just not the same at all. I really hope we can overcome it because I feel so amazing about this boy.

Oh BM, why are you so narrow minded? I never loved you. Please get it through your head, and leave me and CH in peace.

MT! SERIOUSLY?! Claiming to crush on my cousin? I know he's trying to make me jealous. He's going to hurt her so much and she wont even listen to me. Why did I have to tell her about KC?

I wish I could send people to different schools. Its too much for them to all be around me at the same time! And whhhyy would now be an appropriate time for my forehead to explode with pimples? WHY?

Contemplating my options,
xoxo younglover

P.S. To all boys: If you decide to take all you could from a girl and then deeply hurt her (though I do not recommend it), please refrain from slapping her ass and winking at her in public after not talking to her in two months. It will not make things better.

Monday, February 22, 2010

The Down-Low

Okay, my love life broken down.

It seems, as loves twisted ways have it, I have come across a healthy handful of boys whom I come to love to some degree. All friends, or at least acquaintances, making my situation sticky and risky.

KC: He loved me. I wanted so hard to believe him, but something was holding me back. I denied all my worries and fears. He was perfect...wasn't he? When his "ex-girlfriend" became pregnant my assumptions had been confirmed. But wasn't I already somewhat aware of this? Had I not been forewarned? Oh sure, he still wanted to be with me. He still loved me. So why did he stop talking to me? We talked everyday before this. About everything and anything. Now my texts were ignored, calls screened and he stopped walking past my locker each morning. I was broken. My friends went with the rumors. Who would blame them? I never spoke the truth. They believed the lies that he told any person who listened. Of course we did it. Why would she mind if I'm back with my ex? I never liked her anyway. Those words still ringing in my head.

CH: What a great friend. We met while he was crushing on my friend, and I was crushing on his. How ironic things can be. I started talking to him, and then more and more. I kept him at the back of my mind. I vented to him about my relations with KC. He was the only person who knew my true feelings, and my true experiences with his friend in the months past. He was so sympathetic and begged for me to let him confront his friend and show KC the wrongness of his ways. I held back, sure that the last thing KC wanted was for me to be mentioned in a conversation towards him. I know CH was looking out for me and he was there for me, so why am I still nervous at any encounter between us?

BM: I treated him as a friend. He was my friend, or so I thought. He always said, "Love ya." at the end of every conversation. I followed suit, and it seemed almost a tradition between us. When he heard (from fellow classmates) of the recent on goings between me and his friend, KC, he seemed hurt. I was utterly confused. Should he not be consoling me at the very least? I dared not to tell him the truth. Nobody would understand like CH.

MT: The ex boyfriend of many years ago. Not as close with the boys I have been currently with. Things always seemed normal. We were friends, in my vision. Him, I am not so sure. He hugged me more meaningfully and made me feel wanted. A sensation any girl would not easily fight. But I must. I can not lead him on...can I?

So there is my tangled love at the moment, almost up to date. Any comments? I know you must have a few. I feel emotion as I read this over, and I think I am going to leave you with a quote to chew on.

Pleasure of love lasts but a moment, Pain of love lasts a lifetime.
-Bette Davis

How true you are Bette, how true you are.